I think silence is an underrated agile skill.

That may sound odd, but fundamentally agile is a set of tools to help people collaborate and reflect. And you can’t do either of those things without silence.

Silence helps you pause, slow down and spot what’s happening. If all your meetings are non-stop talking, no one has a chance to think. It’s also harder for the quieter members of the group to speak up. Silence makes for much better meetings.

How silence feels to the facilitator

It might be incredibly valuable, but at first, silence in a meeting you are leading is so uncomfortable. Very often it induces mild panic. ‘Why is no one speaking? Argh, what do I do now?’ But once you get used to it, it can actually start to feel freeing. You know that thinking is happening, and if you just give it a moment, something unexpected will emerge.

Imagine gazing into a still pool of water. It might look like nothing is happening, but fish are swimming round below the surface. If you wait, one might emerge. But if you plunge your hand into the pool, you’ll never see them!

Thoughts are like fishes. Don’t scare them away by speaking too early.

How to tell if it’s a good silence

There’s two kinds of valuable silence in meetings. One is the silence of people working together individually. Maybe you’re getting them to note down thoughts on post-its separately, or you are using something like the silent meeting format we talked about last week.

If you can see people writing, the silence is working and you can leave them be. If you’re not sure, it’s a good idea to set a time limit for activities like this. It’s much more comfortable to be silent for a limited period, and no one will mind if it’s a minute or two longer than they actually think they need.

The other valuable silence is thinking time in response to questions in group discussion. This is harder to judge. How long should you wait before you should break the silence yourself with another comment or prompt?

It’s probably longer than you think. Silence feels much worse for the facilitator than for other participants, because you feel responsible for it. What seems like eons for you probably isn’t that long for the other people involved. And it can actually be a good thing if it starts to feel a little awkward – it gives an extra push for others to start talking.

So in general, hold your nerve and err on the side of more silence than you think. As long as you asked a good, open question that people could potentially answer, allow them the time they need to respond. Keep your questions simple and broad to make them easier to answer. ‘What stands out here?’ is my favourite for getting a conversation going after a bit of individual thinking.

How to get comfortable with silence

The best way to get comfortable with silence is to practice. Try holding a slightly longer pause in your next meeting and see what happens. Or watch what other experienced facilitators do, and notice what makes it easier for you to give good answers.

If you’re nervous about using silence, tell people! Explain at the beginning of the meeting that you’re trying to create more space for thinking and this might mean you go quiet after questions to allow people to process. Ask for feedback after your meeting to see how people found it. Chances are it will have been a lot easier on them than it felt for you.

Do you use silence in your meetings? How did you get used to doing that?